I stand corrected....in a good way.

I finally shared my blog with my daughter. She’s always the first one I turn to for advice, feedback, and, well, anything and everything. I was very happy to find out she does not think of me as “just mom”. Yay! She said, “I do disagree with what you said about not being my friend. Perhaps you don't think of yourself as my friend and just my mom, but I consider you my very best friend and my mom.” Who could ask for more?

I told her I was too embarrassed yet to go “public” with my blog and start telling people about it. But I will, soon.

And, Regan, btw, I do think of you as my very best friend, too. However, I recall an instance last May in Austin when I was in the back seat of the car and you and Ryan were in the front; I don’t remember what I said, but both you and Ryan said, “Mom, shut up!” at the same time. I really felt like a mom that day! ; - ) I may have been back seat driving, so I may have deserved that. Hard not to do it since one thing I AM really good at is driving. (In my opinion, anyway.)

So far so good....

I “worked” four hours today. Four hours was the time I had allotted for today. After Jon left for work I set up on the dining room table. I started with some exercises of creating hue and value tables with my paints. This took me about 2 hours. I made myself take a 30 minute break, and then I started working on one of the “Ready to Paint IRELAND Watercolor” pages. I’d done the tracing yesterday so I was ready to begin with paint. I worked on it for a while then at 2:00, when my four hours was up, I left it. I picked that book because I've been to Ireland 5 times in the last 10 years and have hundreds of photos I took there. I have intentions of turning a number of my photos into paintings some day.

I felt good about my day's accomplishments. But I also spent some time flipping through back issues of “Watercolor” magazines. Came upon Ali Cavanaugh again. The pages with her paintings had caught my attention before, but I kind of forgot about them. This time I made note of her. I’m so jealous. They are really marvelous works.

And it just makes me feel, again, like I have so much catching up to do that I may never be able to get where I want to go. I’m lucky that my husband is very supportive. He's been telling me for years to quit my job and start painting. I wasn't willing to take the risk. But now I have stayed long enough to have earned that precious retirement check! Jon tells me constantly it is not too late. “You are alive. As long as you are alive you can do this.” Or words to that effect.

Actually, I briefly studied a photographer during my community college photography classes – and when I find her name again I’ll let you know – who had a very brief career which she started around 50. She was quite successful. I read another article in the back issues about Harald Aksdal, who retired and began his career at 56. Of course, he’d been working as an architect, so he was used to drawing.

Art aside, I have another challenge in 2010; the challenge of getting into a size 8. I won’t talk about pounds, but size. I know the weight I’d have to be to get into an 8. This could well take me the whole year. I’m hopeful that, once I’ve reached that goal, I can stop taking blood pressure meds and won’t be at risk for things like diabetes and stroke. As I said, I was always completely healthy and active until I hit 50. Yikes! But I let myself go, then, too. I quit taking my daily walks and a lot of other things. Weight just jumped on, blood pressure got too high. Argh!

It is only about 3 degrees Fahrenheit outside so I’m not even thinking about going for a walk. Maybe I’ll do some “yoga light”.

Here is a not too good photo of a painting I did in college. It is 30” by 30” oil on canvas of my two sisters circa around 1976.

Or maybe it was all OK

I may have been too hard on myself yesterday. I may have not given myself enough credit. Thinking back, I was always pursuing art or some creative labor of love, just in my own way.

In the early 80’s my then husband gave me a camera. A Canon AE-1, and I fell in love with photography. For a few years I photographed everything. People, landscapes, animals. When my children were born they became my favorite subjects, of course, and I probably have a thousand photos of them. In the late 80’s I took some photography classes at the local community college. We had a great instructor, Luis Valdovino. I absolutely loved the full control of printing my own photos, black and white and color. In the early 90’s I began taking horseback riding lessons and started photographing horses. I considered starting my own equine and portrait photography business. I put a darkroom in my house. But I still had children at home and could not give up the steady pay check, nor was I willing to take the time away from my children that it would have required to be a business owner. The darkroom was taken out. I no longer had access to a photo lab and took pictures less and less, frustrated with the quality of commercial printing. But I still have all those photos taken over almost 2 decades and some of them I might like to turn into paintings some day.

In 1990, after divorce, I bought a house with a huge back yard. A house, some of you well know, is a lot of work. It was just one of those typical 50’s ranch style houses. That house and yard became my canvas. My ex husband had made a lot of money and I was used to driving nice cars and living in a very nice home. It was a culture shock to suddenly have so much less. But I thought, why shouldn’t this 50’s ranch be as nice as it could be? I set to work “refreshing” it room by room, slowly, over the next 18 years. It took all that time because I only had so much money to work with. And, when I put in new closet doors, I put in GOOD ones. When I replaced the bathroom sinks, light fixtures and toilets, I put in the best quality I could afford. I painted. I replaced carpet. I pulled out carpet and refinished hardwood floors. I laid ceramic tile. I laid ceramic tile on a diagonal! I finished the entire walk out basement including adding a bedroom, two closets and a full bath. One big “installation” project! Credit goes out to my family – brothers, mother, sisters, and yes, kids, who provided me much labor and support through out the years, as well, here.

Then there was the yard. The prior owners had left a little 3’ square plot of dirt surrounding by a timber border. Maybe it had been a vegetable garden. I don’t know. I planted a couple of flowers in there and seeing them grow led to an obsession with gardening. My little 3’ square garden grew and grew. Some summers I rip out everything and move it around. It was in constant change. Then I met my future husband, Jon. He saw my dream and he built the patio, walls and steps. We did this on our own, the labor, the design, everything. My entire back yard became a lovely outdoor “room”. I thought it was beautiful.






My work paid off. I sold it. For the price I wanted. I sold the house to the first person who looked at it. In December. Right after the real estate bubble broke. I had even had a difficult time finding a realtor that would list the house at the price I wanted to ask. They all said no house in my neighborhood would ever sell for my asking price. I finally found someone willing to let me name my price. And it sold!

So, I must have done some things right, maybe?

Maybe I wouldn’t change too much of the past.

But I do wish I had gone to EVERY class in college.

Happy New Year - with a Bang

Not my bang - my daughter's bang. My day got off to a rocky start when I saw Regan's facebook posting that the taxi she and her husband took to a New Year's Eve party last night hit another car. She was thrown into the partition and had what she called minor injuries. Not the kind of thing a mother likes to hear about. My first thoughts were mother thoughts - was she wearing her seat belt? I'd bet money that answer is "no". I tried to call her. She didn't answer. She doesn't want to hear what her mother has to say. I understand - I don't want to hear what my mother has to say.....2009 was the year I first realized I am NOT my adult son's or daughter's friend. I'm just their mom.

My husband had to work today. I took down Christmas. I put Christmas neatly in waterproof plastic bins and tucked it away in the basement. I felt good about that. Last year I just tossed Christmas into the basement. Most of Christmas was just piled up on top of my art supplies on a table in the basement and stayed there until I brought it up to decorate in November.

Then I took inventory of the watercolor brushes and paints I have. I intend to start working a little on Sunday. I have 2 instruction books and one video that I plan to go through as practice/learning exercise.

I thought you might like to know who a few of my favorite watercolor artists are. I googled them - which I've done before - and found one of them has a blog on this very blog site. Carol Carter. Reading her blog completely depressed me. Steve Hanks paints the way I want to paint. I used to paint like that in college - in oils. Very realistic renderings. My art teachers at that time did not like realism in paintings. One in particular. Marvin. I wasted a lot of time in college. I didn't take advantage of the opportunity I had. I cut more classes than I attended. Preston Jackson was one of my instructors. I didn't like watercolors in college. I like them now. Thanks to Jane Mason. And a little community college class I took in 2007.

Anyway, my favorite artists have been painting their whole lives and earn their livings at it. I feel like I have so much catching-up to do and the fear that I won't have the time almost stops me in my tracks, here, now, before I even start. Crap! This kind of self negative talk has always been a barrier for me. Isn't this the year I DO NOT do what I've always done?

So, on I go....I'm painting on Sunday. I'll get a scanner. I'll take some photos. Maybe I'll share some here if I'm not too embarrassed. Tomorrow a trip to get some paints and a couple of brushes. Yee Haww!

Final Thoughts on 2009

I sent an email to my sister, Kathy, and daughter, Regan, at 1:00 am on December 31 asking for tips on blogging and telling them I was starting my own blog. Then I proceeded to begin to figure it out for myself without waiting for a reply. I’m sure they were both fast asleep by then. My daughter replied this morning telling how she had set up her blogs and then said, “I can’t wait to read yours!”

Oh, crap!

I had no problems with the invisible cyber-person or strangers reading anything I might write. But my daughter! My family! My husband’s family!!! Co-workers?! Crap!

So, I re-read what I’d put down in the middle of the night. Well, a little on the serious side but nothing that is a secret. My children are well aware of my struggle with drinking. And, I have to be honest in this blog if it is to be of any value at all, particularly if it is to be of value to me!

I want to point out here that I managed my drinking pretty well. As you could see by my first comments those closest to me wanted to argue whether I was an alcoholic. I went to work. I’ve been promoted on my job a number of times. I’ve earned a decent living. Was always always careful not to drink and drive. But my husband and I on a Friday or a Saturday night have been known to put away a bottle or more each while engaged in the most lively and deep conversations that would go on late into the night. The recovery time is costly, though. It takes a whole weekend to recover or more these days. But that isn’t my biggest problem. No, no, I get in to trouble when I’m alone. I seem to have a hard time being alone with myself. I don’t know if it was boredom, stress, unhappiness – or what. Or that I had more FUN alone when I was drinking. For example, I liked to clean my house on Saturday mornings – while drinking. I’d start early, with a glass of white wine (my drug of choice) or a mimosa. And, I didn’t try to kid myself that I was just appreciating the fine wine. No, I’d pour myself an 8 ounce tumbler of wine or put it in my big coffee mug. I’d turn my stereo up loud and clean like a maniac till late afternoon (what my husband called “Nazi” cleaning). I might pass out about the time I was finished, but my house would be so clean and organized!!

But in the last few years this hasn’t worked. The false “energy” I used to get from a drink hasn’t been there anymore. I just get tired and fall asleep early and my house not get cleaned at all.

Anyway, done. Done and done.

And, this blog is NOT going to be all about the drinking. My second challenge is equally important to me.

Challenge number 2: I have to paint. I believe I was supposed to be a painter. I used to be pretty good at it, I thought. I have a college degree in art. I’ve rarely touched a brush or a pencil in the last 30 years. Now that is what I’m going to do in 2010. Begin to produce a body of work that looks as if an artist produced it and not a student. (I was a terrible student.) Besides, I really enjoy painting. It is what I want to do and I think about it all the time. I have a dozen paintings in mind that I want to start on. Now….time to act on it. It is part of “the dream.”